Hello Sleepwalkers - Shinsekai by Heroine

this map is another that goes SO fucking hard to me despite me finding the other stuff from this person to be Aight like god damn this one is fucking awesome

i think ina lot of ways this map is extremely Cathartic its like thje equivalent to just pushing down emotions until u cant anymore and it manifests itself in this violent explosion of expression. its kinda almost like autistic masking?? yeah i think this map is kinda great in that way like fuuuck*

*: obviously this is My Interpretation Of This Map this is not me saying this is what this map was Going For but this is how i relate to and understand it ok that out of the way

like there are these bits in the song where the guitar just starts to go wild before dropping off and i think thats represented masterfully (00:28:106 (1,2,3,1,2,3,1,2,1,2,1,2,3,4,5,6,1,2) -) because thats like THE experience of like those brief moments where you are so Done anbd Exhuasted that you stop giving a shit about ur optics before coming back to being hyperaware about urself and the people around you to the point that you are like "oh god oh god no i need to stop" and then force it down

in a lot of ways this can result in overcorrection and you end up restricting urself from doing things that plenty of Normal People do all the time which i think can b demonstrated with the highly conservative rhythm choice in a lot of the map. in the choruses theres this recurring slow 3/4 slider that definitely stands out in a weird way but in a too-rigid sense isntead of the opposite mentioned in the earlier paragraph ig (00:44:369 (4) - )

this culminates in the solo. tyhis is like when ur approaching the end of a long day masking and all u wanna do is just go home and chill the fuck out so u may be less hyperaware than usual. u finally Get home and when you hit ur bed ur just like FUuuuuuuuck whyiseverydaysohardgodijustwanttoliveinpeaceauauuguhhhihatemycoworkersihatethisstupidfuckingjobfuckimgonnakillsomeonecanigoonedaywithoutmisinterpretingtheintentionsofeveryonegoddamn and all of that held in shit comes flowing right back up to tghe surface resulting in a Purging and Release ion the form of 01:57:317 (1) - and then ESEPCIALLY 02:00:632 (1) -

the visual pattern of the very beginning of the map where its building building building in intensity before being cut off is Inverted here (02:04:264 (1,2,3,4,1,2,3) - ) as sort of a calming down of sorts. lettin it go bc u acnt do anything about it and the alternative is Much Much Worse. however u are at home now and so you dont exactly Need to be anything at all and so u can b weird without consequence like fuck it why not just randomly get out of your chair and run around the apartment for a bit (02:13:738 (1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8) - and 02:19:738 (2,3,4) - etc) its not like ppl can see you and its fun!! :D

then u do some stuff and you realize how at ease u feel compared to earlier in the day and ur like damn . this shits fucked maybe i need to talk to someone about this

02:24:475 - realization.png

02:32:053 (1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1) - i think a lot of autistic ppl upon realizing that they have masked their whole lives tend to have a sort of response of grief over a kind of indeterminate thing theyve lost or i guess were forced into giving up and this can unearth a whole world of intense emotions. i know i did !! :)

in a way the final chorus and ending are sort of a synthesis between the two opposed sides of masking and being completely unmasked. in a lot of ways masking is important and useful to autistic ppl even if it can feel forced and suppressing. its just an extra mental load we have 2 keep up w. and so while we get more comfortable w just the basic facets of ourselves we inevitably have to deal with the world and we resort to masking in some part regardless. theres still the familiar staples of the slow 3/4 slider and other rhythm choices but theres flourishes of eccentricity like the movement in parts like 02:55:106 (2,3,4,5) -

that was way longer than i intended on it being its probably a little incoherent my point is Please check out this map its soooo fuycking good and maybe im alone in this kind of emotional experience but i hoep u can understand why i like it maybe :)

i wrote 760 words on an osu map taht 7 ppl have voted total chat i think i might be autistic uhhh anyway!! its a good map

it's ok this map is sooooo good