jun with Alison - SUNKiSS <3 DROP ~jun Side~ by Luscent

This mapping thing got really boring once I realized that no one is going to like the same maps for the same reason as me or the same techniques used in maps for the same reason as me or notice the same small details in maps as me because whenever I go to talk about these things that I find cool it seems like I am trying to explain a hallucination to someone it's like disgusting now to try to transmit these things whether in map or text form because I can';t like upload my consciousness in map I make so it's like what's the poi9nt at that point idk this map is fun on DT though

And I don't see this game as anything close to an artistic medium or like anything worth viewing through an analytic lens at this point because I can;'t like kill someone with just a 30kb .osu file or make someone go blind with that so like what's the point

Disgusting game

you can try to detach mapping from art all you want but the problem you are having is an art problem. its hard to talk about abstract things

if you cant kill someone with a 30kb .osu file its your skill issue because there must be people who ended themselves over a beatmap

+ yeah this maps fun to DT

Lord when can I delete my account

Please don't say that Can I help

that awkward moment when u catch feelings for a crap art medium

i um would enjoy having people to talk to and to listen to but i think i ruined that opportunity for myself and im not special or cool enough for ppl to want to talk to me now.

mapping should be a happy thing that we can share with eachother (and whether its "art" or not shouldnt matter) but this happy thing devolves into frustration/isolation when you feel like you are the only person who feels a certain way (when there might very well be other people who do too). its unfortunately easy for this to happen because (it seems) not a lot of ppl are willing to meaningfully engage and attempt to extend their thoughts into language (even if its very hard!) and its exactly because of the urrghhh its just a stupid circle game why are you typing an essay skull emoji mentality. ---- to be clear im not saying that *everybody* should take mapping totally seriously just to give those who do some space.

relating to my own personal experiences as a ₊‧°𐐪newgen𐑂°‧₊ (hehe how can i make this about me 😈) the happiest ive been with mapping was first when i was a baby interacting with the log off now community and second when i became friends with some "late avalon" ppl. And I have to say that these communities get some shit for "spawnkilling" new mappers but they were some of the few places where i felt welcomed to. it feels like some other groups will just be like "this is good/bad!" and this is like fine for anyone inside the circle who already knows everything but if ur a newer mapper it feels like "ermmm u should already know why unless ur stupid" does anyone else feel this way is it just me am i rambling???

anyway in short and in very cliche can we just care a bit more to having a community. is there anyone else who feels a similar sentiment that its been missing? (if u do pls lmk actually so i dont feel like im screaming into the void). also sorry if my typing was very convoluted its cuz i have [UNDIAGNOSED]

mapping to me has always felt a little mysterious and i think that makes ppl curious and wanna try to do shit. too much of a community might kill the magic a little for some i think

I think this game is a joke and that there are no human beings behind computer screen in my headspace and that I should get a button to instantly kill 4 billion people

I would like to be more serious abt maps I like here but whenever I post a serious comment I'm the only comment and the map has like 3 ratings ... It is what melter described but even worse because the hallucinations are stuck in my head only and I am developing advanced schizophrenia because of it Anyways maybe more ppl can escape the chinese mapping virus 1 day and we can have more varied conversations under Fuckign random maps but until then No serious discourse for me

My dms are open mostly for business enquiries but Shoot your shot if you dare

00:14:844 (2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,1) - anyone else think this burst is really ugly

*sigh* i guess ill die then--

00:14:844 (2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,1) - this is moe

this too is yuri

the stupid kickslider thing before kiai made me laugh